This is about the day I killed my old self and how I rebuilt my Life

A Good Life… That Wasn’t Really Mine

Growing up in a middle-class family in Sri Lanka, I had what many would call a good life. I had food on the table, a roof over my head, and love. I was in a relationship for nearly a decade. But beneath the laughter and boyish charm, I was floating through life.

I was playful, careless, and detached from my studies, from responsibility, and honestly, from reality. My girlfriend got into a government university. I didn’t. But my parents still scraped together everything they had to send me to a private university. I had three younger siblings, and I should’ve been a role model. Instead, I was gaming, drinking, ditching classes. I didn’t know it, but I was wasting time and hurting the people who loved me the most.

When She Left, Everything Collapsed

She left me. And that shattered me. For a whole year, I was numb. I didn’t eat properly, didn’t study, barely even spoke. I dropped out of university for a year. I isolated myself and spiraled into a kind of silent suffering no one could fully see. That relationship wasn’t just love; it was my identity. Without her, I felt like a ghost in my own life.

The Rice Mill That Changed My Mindset

That year, I went to work at my father’s rice mill. Not to build a career but to clear my mind. I needed grounding. There, among people who woke up before sunrise, sweating and hustling just to survive, I began to see life differently.

These were people with nothing, and yet they smiled, worked with pride, and held dignity in every grain of rice. It hit me: I was privileged, but I was wasting it.

That experience did more than humble me. It started building something I never had- self-respect.

The Psychology of My Transformation

1. Emotional Rebirth

Psychologists call it ego death- the painful collapse of your old identity. When the “me” I knew, funny, loved, carefree- died, it felt like nothing was left. But that emptiness became fertile ground for growth. I didn’t lose myself-I lost the illusion.

2. Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG)

Research shows that trauma can lead to significant psychological development. It’s called Post-Traumatic Growth and I lived it. Pain forced me to reflect. Reflection gave me direction. I stopped asking “Why me?” and started asking, “Who do I want to become?”

3. Building Self-Efficacy

Working and studying at the same time wasn’t easy. But with every challenge I overcame, I grew more confident. That’s called self-efficacy, the belief in your ability to achieve goals. You don’t get it from books or YouTube. You build it through action.

How I Rebuilt My Life, One Day at a Time

Today, I’m still studying- yes. My friends have graduated. But I’m working in a field related to my degree, building hands-on experience while they’re still job hunting. I’m not ahead of everyone, but I’m ahead of who I used to be.

What’s different now?

• I show up.

• I study with purpose.

• I care about my family.

• I carry my own weight.

• I know how easily everything can fall apart and I never want to go back.

To Anyone Who Feels Lost: You’re Not Broken-You’re Becoming

I once thought my life ended when she left. But now I realize, that was the beginning.

It’s not just about success or money. It’s about living in a way that aligns with who you want to be. It’s about failing hard and choosing to rise anyway. 

Loneliness is now recognized not just as an emotional struggle, but as a global public health concern. According to a recent report by the World Health Organization (WHO). Read more…

If you’re in the dark, remember this:

• The version of you that suffers isn’t the final version.

• You can break and still rebuild stronger.

• Discomfort is the birthplace of growth.

• You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to begin.

Final Thought

The day I “killed” the old me wasn’t the end. It was the first step toward real emotional freedom. I stopped living for escape and started living for purpose.

And if I can do it heartbroken, unmotivated, and directionless. So can you.

Resources

World Health Organization (WHO